Thursday, November 19, 2009

Improvised Weapons

I don't fly much, because I hate the TSA and .... I hate the TSA.

Anyplace that won't let a gentleman have a pocketknife is one place that gentlemen need not go. I was raised to believe that every man worth his salt carries a pocketknife. Don't even get me started on guns.

However, if you've been paying attention at all, you know that the only weapon you truly carry with your everywhere is your brain. Everything else is a tool. And, it turns out, the TSA retards are just now figuring out that everything is a weapon.

Serving several years as a corrections officer taught me that the human capacity for weapons manufacture is unlimited. If someone goes jihad on a plane, stick a plain Bic pen in his sternum. If you can hold him down and hammer it in with a paperback book, it'll be cleanup on aisle four. For an easier task, get behind him and put it in a kidney. That'll change his focus real quick.

Don't want to get that close and personal? From your carry-on, take out a bottle of shampoo, or a bar of soap. Drop it in the toe of your pantyhose (or your socks) and use that as a bludgeon. If you can get a good lick upside his head, he'll be drooling on himself in federal custody.

Another example; you know that little air hose the stewardess uses during the safety briefing? When you've got the clown down, use that on his neck. When he goes limp, use some pantyhose (the one with the soap in it will do fine) and hog-tie him.

Your brain is the weapon. Use it.

Thanks to Say Uncle and the Munchkin Wrangler for the heads-up.


Anonymous said...

Even easier is to shove that Bic or Cross pen into his eye. Much softer target and he'll be sizing up his virgins before he hits the floor.

About the pocket knife. I'm 65 and have had a knife in my pocket since the first day of first grade.

Gerry N.

J said...

+1 to what Gerry said about the Bic and the eye. It's much softer tissue than the sternum. The bone behind the eye is thin, and the pen will easily penetrate the bone and enter the brain. Besides, heart muscle is tough stuff. Brain tissue ain't.

Old NFO said...

In the ear also works... A broken CD makes a 'nice' knife to carve some turkey with if needed...

If TSA had their way, we'd have NO carry on and travel nude (But there would STILL be things available to use...).

El Capitan said...

The buckle end of an airline seatbelt extender makes for a nice flail.

Termite said...

Padlocks. Not just for securing your valuables.
They make handy improvised "brass knuckles".

Termite said...

Speaking of ball point pens as weapons, how about one of these:

Buddy said...

Each seat has 2 seat belts, male and female, which are clipped onto mounts on each seat... clipped, not bolted. remove the female set from 2 seats and clip them to each other. Take the seat cushion up and pass arm thru the underside straps. you are now armed with a fairly good flail and protected by a fairly thick shield!

Justin said...

I carry a heavy gauge steel lock in my pocket and always wear a belt when flying. In case of emergency, belt comes off, lock is slid on and I now have a 36" flail. That lock will break something anywhere it lands.

You are right, the mind is the true weapon, everything else is just a tool.