1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck say, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way, these are likely his last words ever.
9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
10. There are no good delis. Don't ask.
11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
12. Hot dog chili does NOT have beans in it.
13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer.
17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a glass of milk and some bread handy. Water won't do it.
20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask. DON'T GOOGLE IT EITHER! It's worse than regular oysters!
21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.'
23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school basketball just keep your mouth shut.
24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".
26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
28. "Tea" = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
29. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.
30. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die!
31. We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.
32. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.
33. Most of us own at least one gun.
34. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying you're an idiot.
5 comments:
I've seen this one before, about different areas. It's worth a chuckle, but have you ever noticed that it was written by a Yankee?
Check #5. I'll stop reading a book if I see dialogue wherein one character, talking to another character about nobody else, says something like, "Jim, would y'all hand me that hammer?". Same goes for movies--I'm done at that point, as it'll only get worse.
"Y'all" is never, has never been, and will never be singular.
Sorry, but that one always has grated on my nerves.
--Tennessee Budd
Shouldn't #23 be football?
Pretty much all of those apply is Texas, as well. Except the sweet tea thing - get far enough west, and it starts to disappear. My experience with restaurants in El Paso (TDY at Ft Bliss) was about 50/50.
Never say there is no winter in Louisiana. Was loading a barge of crude across the river from NOLA, in January, snowing like North Dakota, stepped in a puddle of crude and snow, which launched me into the river. Good thing it was the bank side or I would have been in Venice before I got out.
Pretty much true... :-) And my family is from no man's land! :-D
While I'm not much into sports, I prefer locals trying hard and supported by those they know to arrogant big shots paid by the wheel barrow playing across the country from where their family is.
Post a Comment