Sunday, October 07, 2012


I see that raccoons are invading New York City.
They are getting more brazen on Washington Avenue, rummaging through trash, and running right up to neighbors. One even went face-to-face with Barbara Mattocks on her own front stoop. “I don’t want that feeling ever again. I was petrified,” Mattocks said.
Heh! The residents don't know how to deal with raccoons.
It’s gotten so bad, one 3-year-old Maltese named ‘Snowball,’ who used to love to play outside, is now a prisoner in his own home, according to his owner.
I don't know what to tell those fools, but raccoons aren't that bad. They respond well to axe-handles and baseball bats. And, they're good to eat. If you've never tried barbequed coon, you have missed a culinary treat. They're fatty like pork and respond well to the same treatment.  Recipes abound.  Imagine the next dinner party, when your guests ask about the piece de resistance.  "Oh, that?" you respond.  "That's a raccoon we killed on our front stoop.  He was rummaging through the garbage can and I killed it with a cricket bat.  Try it with the yams, they're excellent."

You'd be the toast of the town.


Gerry Nygaard said...

With Progressives, any thing that attacks them is by rights more deserving of life than they and their families are. So killing a racoon would be right up there with killing a rapist, a definite no-no, the poor things need understanding, help and a search for the "root cause" of their agression, not a quick blow to the head with a baseball bat.

Gaffer said...

I grew up in and around NYC (haven't been back for several decades) and even then the racoon investation was notable.
Eating them was not on the agenda since the common perception was that racoon was food only for "other people"

Justin said...

I find it a damning statement about our society that humans, with our tools and creativity, are succumbing to the beasts we subjugated thousand of years ago.

Gerry Nygaard said...

I live in the suburbs, where there are lots of trees and brush. There are also a metric crapperload of racoons and 'possums. .22 shorts in a short barrelled (16 1/2") rifle make less noise than a loud cough, and when altered with a Paco Kelly Nasti-nose die will reliably kill either varmint out to the edge of my back yard. So I've had a fun Summer ridding the area of a pile of racoons and 'possums. I don't like either as food so I just double wrap 'em in heavy plastic garbage bags and put 'em into the trash. The neighbor are on my side this time.