Those "Survive Thanksgiving" Articles

In the lull between timed events, I'm surfing around for amusement, ad I come to one of those articles about how to survive Thanksgiving with leftists.  Heh!  I don't think I'll be feeding any today, but here's my take on it.

Have a Designated Safe Space Ready
Every place at my home is safe, and I"ll guarantee your physical safety, but don't come in here with any half-baked ideas.  The rule in my family is that if you come in as emotionally fragile, you're probably going to leave emotionally crippled.  We don't suffer fools.  Your ideas are welcome, but be prepared to defend them with logic and reason.

Emergency Vegan Meal
If you're coming here expecting some special dietary menu, you'd best bring it with you.  We're carnivores ad today we're eating poultry.    And lots of it.  Turkey, chicken, duck.  If someone is poultry averse, I might warm up some ham, or maybe some pork loin, but it's all meat, all the time.

Anti-Socialism Plan
You'll be ridiculed and mocked if you bring that shit up/  Can you say Venezuela?  We'll do it lovingly and gently, of course but ridiculed and mocked, nonetheless.

Anti-Capitalism Plan
Aah, the evils of capitalism, yet everything you wear was bought at a store?  The very chair you sit in the plate you're eating from and the food in your mouth was provided by capitalism.  Remember the first topic?  If you come in here mentally ignorant, you may leave emotionally crippled.

Practicing Gun Control
At our gathering today, there will probably be four or five people carrying, split evenly between the genders.  We're not shooting you are we?   That is what we call gun control.  Oh, you're afraid of guns?  No problem, after lunch we'll hold a quick safety class the start teaching you that inanimate objects only work with human manipulation.  We practice gun control every day, and no one has been hurt yet.

But, all that aside, the truth is that no one wants to spoil the holiday by talking about politics.  We're going to have fun, love everyone who comes in the door, and try to make sure that everyone is properly cared for.  Today is a day for thankfulness and camaraderie.    Y'all have a blessed day.