Thursday, May 26, 2016

Semi-annual Checkup

So, I went for my semi-annual checkup yesterday.  Everything is fine, I'm an old fat man, and the doc and I are good with that.  My numbers look good, better than last time, so we're going through the usual litany of possible complaints.  Do I have blood in my stool?, excessive or unexplained bleeding?, problems with shortness of breath?, problems sustaining an erection?.there is a whole list of questions.  Then he comes to two that I haven't heard before.

"Suicidal?" He asks,

"Not likely." I respond.


"Sometimes." I reply, chuckling.

"Oh, geeze," he says.  "Don't tell me that.  It's one of the Obamacare questions.  If you are homicidal and have guns, I'm supposed to report you to the police."

"Well, doc," I reply, "I have a gun in my pocket, and I am the police."

"Okay," he says, scribbling in his notes. "I'll just report it to you then."

"Seriously," I ask, "Is that on the list of questions?"

"Yeah," he says, "It came out on a revised list a couple of months ago."

"Well, hell.  No one is going to admit to their doctor that they're homicidal."

He looks at me over his notes.  "You just did."


David aka True Blue Sam said...

There is a big jump between "That --- needs to be shot," and "I need to shoot that---."

Goatwhiskers said...

Little tricky, that one. I freely admit that I'll do what is necessary to defend myself, my wife, and my family, but pray daily that I never have to. GW

Anonymous said...

So "death by a thousand cuts" will continue until someone gets rid of the rot in the government. Those questions are just a small taste of what obamacare has stored in its words.
Oh, and even if you don't want to answer those questions; THAT response is filed in "your" chart.
Oh, and the government just LOVES that electronic medical record, that is suppose to be between you and your doc....BWWAAAHAHAHHA.

Anonymous said...

I was asked these once by a specialist I was referred too. After the second or third one I asked what they were about. Assistant told me and said I did not have to answer them. I told her if there were any medically related I would be glad to answer them but would decline if they were privacy invasive stuff. I have not been arrested yet.

Alien said...

Long story about the process but the (organization name redacted) for whom I once toiled had psych reviews, during which the guy with the form and the pen made a number of inquiries, apparently designed to make a worthless process even more cumbersome and mind numbing. Somewhere in the midst of questions were a couple about suicide, something along the lines of "is suicide prominent in your thoughts?" When I responded in the affirmative it produced a flurry of additional queries. Pen poised, he requested I elaborate, and I responded with "I recommend suicide to a lot of people, doc, and too damn few take the suggestion to heart. Have you ever considered it?"

Retired Spook said...

I'm really lucky, my family doctor started his medical career with the 75th Rangers, and his first deployment was to Mogadishu in '93, so he was there for the "Blackhawk Down" incident.

He says, "What's the difference between G-d and a doctor? G-d doesn't think He's a doctor."

But he's got a good attitude, because, as he says "You'll save some you should have lost, and lose some for no good reason. Do your best, trust in G-d, and remember, in the end, we're all terminal."