Whazzup with Henry Earl?

You gotta love this guy. He is a perennial drunk who lives in Lexington, KY, and spends a lot of time in jail. A lot of time. Like 128 days this year, for a grand total of 28 arrests so far in 2005.

When I was a jailer, we had guys like this in the jails I worked. Guys who just for the life of them couldn't seem to stay out of jail. A couple of them were homeless and used jail as a place to be when food was hard to find, or when the weather threatened to be unpleasant.

Each jurisdiction does it differently, but basically serial misdemeanants like Henry Earl are a drag on the criminal justice system. We operate a bed and breakfast at the county level that a bunch of those guys frequent. Inside, they get basic medical care, a clean cot and three hots. Regular showers are a part of the bargain.

The management is a pissy bunch, yet there are certain rules for extended stay guests and as long as you play by those rules you can stay in jail on the cheap. Given the uncertainty of the Judges, however, you might find yourself evicted without notice.

Here's the way it works. Suppose it's getting winter and you don't want to be sleeping under the downtown bridge during the cold weather. So you do a little planning. In a month the weather will be really bad, so you have to get inside before the temps drop into the life-threatening zone. So you commit a crime. A tiny little crime, like threatening to throw a brick through a window. You commit this crime at the local convenience store at three in the morning with two police cruisers parked in the lot. While being arrested, take a swing at one of the cops. That's good for thirty days. If you actually throw the brick through the back window of the cruiser, that's good for six months.

So the police put you in the cruiser and take you down to the jailhouse. You are processed and assigned a cell. The next morning a Judge stops by and interviews all the newly arrested. The Judge sets bonds and insures that we are doing our job as jailers.

So, there you sit, in jail, with a trial date in a month. Life is good. You are in a warm place. You are being fed regularly. There is a shower and clean sheets and you are in jail with other like-minded individuals. There are dominos and TV for your waking hours. Your trial is set for November, and with a little luck you can plead guilty and get a six month sentence and with good behavior, will get released late in March, when the lillys start to bloom. Life is good.

So, the holiday season rocks along and you are inside, warm and well-fed. Along comes the Judge and notices you there. The jail is full and the Judge needs to make some room so that other, more serious criminals can be maintained. The judge looks at your file and sees that you have been in jail for sixty days on a Disturbing the Peace charge. The brick didn't actually damage the window because you were too drunk and missed the cruiser. The cops know that you didn't mean any real harm. The judge orders your release: Time Served.

The Jailer, who knows you, does the outprocessing and takes you to the main door of the jail. He opens it to show you a blinding blizzard with wind chills in the low single-digit range. The jovial jailer puts his hand on your back, wishes you a good life, and eases you through the door. The door slams shut behind you. You've been released.

The Jailer chuckles and walks back to his coffee pot. He makes a bet with another jailer who thinks that you'll be back before dark. In the meantime there are other inmates to process and you are now just a memory.

You, on the other hand, freshly rehabilitated, are standing in a blizzard dressed in summer clothing. You gotta find a cop fast.