Prison Shooting

From the Town Talk, we learn of a shooting in a Florida prison. It seems some guards had been indicted for trading sex for other contraband. When the Feds showed up to arrest them, it went bad.

Corrections officer Ralph Hill, an Air Force veteran, had smuggled a gun into the prison and opened fire Wednesday morning as the FBI agents and Justice Department investigators arrived, officials and his attorney said.

Damn! Two good men dead and another wounded because some guards couldn't keep their peckers in their pants.

I worked in Corrections for periods of my career, both as a common jailer and as a shift lieutenant in a 500 bed parish lockup. There are some certainties about working in a prison that everyone should know, and some people forget.

1. The place is full of criminals. It takes great strength of character to work in a place full of criminals and not fall prey to the criminal mentality. Guards have to take the moral high ground at all times.

2. The place is mind-numbingly dull. The day-to-day activities of a prison are characterised by routine. Everything is the same thing every day. Sundays are a bit of a respite because most work details don't go out on Sunday. Every other day is mind-numbing. A Guard has to steel himself against boredom and work the routine every day. Security is dependant on routine. The simple things count. Things like locking doors and checking windows are critical. They are also boring.

3. The place is full of criminals. They will use anything to advantage. Sex, drugs, a set of crayons, cigarettes, and information are all bartering tools for the inmates, who don't have cash. If the inmate can sell information about a Guard for a sentence reduction, they'll do it in a minute. If a female inmate can sell herself to get leverage on a Guard, they'll do that too.

4. The place is mind-numbingly dull. Anything that happens inside a prison is noted and recorded. If not on videotape, then certainly in the minds of the inmates. One inmate having sex with a Guard is noted and recorded by hundreds of eyes who want to gossip, talk, and use that information. There are no secrets inside a prison.

Having sex inside a prison is the dumbest idea that ever crossed the minds of mortal man. It is neither refreshing, nor endearing. It is not love. It is not romantic. It is a common tool of commerce. If you want your love-life to be reduced to the bare essentials of arousal and release, then prison sex is the way to go. Be forewarned, it will be noted, it will be discussed, it will probably be videotaped. It is also against the law.

You might get away with it once. You might get away with it twice. The statute of limitations has a long reach. You will eventually get caught. You will certainly be fired. You will probably be prosecuted and convicted. There is nothing that an inmate likes more than turning a Guard into an inmate. It breaks the routine and provides grist for the gossip mill.

Sex in a prison is a dumb idea.