Clavinisms.

You all remember Cliff Clavin? The guy on the sitcom Cheers? Cliff would sit at the bar and proclaim wildly inaccurate information, to the amusement of everyone present.

Reading this blog, I found a classic Clavinism:

"I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs."

I have a confession to make. I share that disease, although I never knew it had a name. I learned a long time ago that spouting Clavinisms was a remarkable talent and that having a table-full of people turn and look at you, mouths agape, was wild fun. Aaah, but then you had to explain yourself.

For example, a friend comes over and admires a specific piece of furniture. A chair, for example. The conversation might go something like this.

Friend - "Nice chair. Where did you find that covering?"

Me - "Naugahyde. Shot it myself. I think I took that particular nauga in eastern Missouri. Most people don't realize that Naugas were hunted almost to extinction in the mid '70s. Beautiful animals with brilliantly colored skins. Much more durable than cowhide or other conventional leathers. I read recently where a group of growers is trying to bring back the Nauga. They've almost created a viable herd in the Montana rockies."

Heads turns with mouths agape. Gotcha!

Sometimes, people can't tell when you are serious, or indulging in a Clavinism. Children are particulary susceptible. Milady often reprimands me for taking advantage of the grandchildren. My own daughter tells me that she suffered laugter and derision when repeating Clavinisms at school. She and Milady are taking notes and propose to publish a book entitled Pawpaws Book of Bullshit Facts.

I predict that it will be wildly successful.