Not in the plans

Kim duToit asks a good question about every man's plans for retirement. It deserves an answer, although I might not be able to give it the eloquence it deserves. Go read the question. I'll wait right here.

Done? Good. I raised four kids and I have four grandchildren, and thankfully I haven't yet found myself in the position to provide full time care to the grandchildren. This blog is called Pawpaw's house, incidentally, and that should provide some insight to my feelings for my grandchildren.

My wife and I discussed our feelings about raising grandchildren and as much as we love the little buggers, we also want our own space. We sum it up in the phrase "Love to see them; love to see them go."

However, Milady and I both know that the uncertain nature of life is capable of throwning you a curve and that if, God Forbid, one of my children is killed, then the care of the grandchildren might devolve to us. They would have a place to live and a caring, loving home. Adjustments would be made and sacrifices entailed to provide a secure environment for my family.

Grandkids are family, after all, and you do what you have to do for family. My children know this. They have been taught this since diapers and they know that family is the strongest bond a group of people can have. Family first. Therefore, they also know that as long as they draw breath and have the ability to care for their offspring, all other considerations are second. Career, lifestyle, upward mobility, all things come second to family. I have raised my children and expect them to raise theirs, whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice.

Now, the grocer in Kims tale feels like he has been screwed, and rightfully so. This kid has two able parents and they are unwilling to assume the responsibilty of raising a child. Momma doesn't want the kid and wishes to pursue her life and career without the burden of raising a child she brought into this world. Tough shit. I'd hire a lawyer expressly for the purpose of making her life a living hell. She would pay child support in ever increasing amounts for twenty-five years. The kid has to go to college, after all, and has to get through grad school.

The son, who wants to do the honorable thing would get a "mother-in-law" house in the backyard. Or an apartment down the street. He would be responsible for raising his child. Son would have to work, because raising kids cost money. PawPaw would be happy to watch over the child after daycare and after school when that time comes. Grandchild would know that Pawpaw is across the backyard. PawPaw would be available for babysitting one evening a month, so Son could take a little downtime.

This is the deal we have made with our own children, by the way. We watch grandkids when necessary for work purposes, but they are almost always gone from our house by bedtime. If an adult child has to work late, or is called out of town on business, I'll watch the kids overnight, but it better damn well be limited to once month. After school, they are welcome over here every day. I'll pick up kids at daycare every day if necessary. No problem, but they only sleep over once a month.

I don't want to hear about working nights on a regular basis. You had this child and kids, unfortunately, aren't nocturnal. They operate on a daylight schedule. Get over it, and get a job in construction. There are plenty of construction jobs in Florida, or Texas.

That's the way we handle extended care. The grandchildren are always welcome, but the parents know that PawPaw can be a grouchy sonofabitch when they abuse the privilege.

The grocer guy needs to set a few rules in his household. After talking with his wife. There is plenty of time to play golf in the mornings when the kid is at daycare, and plenty of time to be a PawPaw late in the afternoon.

Gimme your comments. I've lived this one.